Fool in the Rain
by GraveDancer
Summary: This was formerly Untitled until I had an adoring fan suggest this one, and I love it. I mean, come on Led Zeplin! It's MerDer, obviously. It takes place within the next 3 years of their lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If I owned GA right now I'd be contemplating what to wear to the Emmy's. Instead I'm contemplating if I should be sleeping instead of writing a fanfic. Do definitely don't own GA. And definitely writing fanfic, sleep is for wussies.**

**So I'm in the mood to write . . .with paragraphs and stuff, so working on my Season 3 isn't an option (but hold the fruit . . .I will work on in tomorrow, I promise). At the same time, I WANT to continue Hundred but I'm completely stuck on which way to take it. So I'm writing something new. So deal with it. **

**This takes place . . .umm well it will span the next 3 years, so at the end of this fanfic it will be 2010 I guess. And will be completely Derek's perspective, because I'm in a Derek mood right now. And I took a quiz and it said I'm Derek. So I like writing as Derek. Okay, I might throw some Mer perspective in, but it's starting out pure Derek. At least for this chapter. And yes, it's obviously Mer/Der, why waste time writing anything else?**

**Anyway hope you enjoy. **

**And this is the prologue, it happens now. Well not now now, now as in 2006 now.**

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For once, it's not raining in Seattle. There's a fine mist in the air, but no rain. Which is slightly fitting considering what you have to do. What you have done. It would be strange for it to rain tonight, it would have been too Seattle. And too Seattle just won't work.

Lights flash behind me as a car pulls up.

She came.

"Derek?" Her voice is soft and questioning. A smile spreads across your face. You really hadn't expected her to show up.

She sits beside you, filling the air with the smell you will always associate with her.

"Thanks for coming," you say, wondering if you mean it, or if you still will when the night is over.

"You asked, I came," she says with a shrug.

"You didn't have to."

"For some reason, tonight I think I did, Derek."

You turn and look at her. The street light above makes her hair appear golden and softer than usual. You want to reach out and touch it, but know you can't. Touching her is not what you came for. Her eyes look devoid of emotion, but you know better than that. She's your intern, your Meredith. You know when she's faking being fine, and when she really is.

She shivers slightly.

"Are you cold?" you ask, starting to shrug out of your jacket so you can offer it to her.

"No. Nervous." And with that, you know it's time you say your piece. She was willing to come. Against all odds, she came. You have to make it worth it.

"I signed the divorce papers, Addison and I are finished." you say, not knowing any other way to start the conversation besides plunging right in.

"Oh. Oh." She gets the cute Meredith thinking look on her face as she ponders your words for a minute. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think I am." you respond, slowly nodding. For once you think you might be telling the complete truth.

"What does this mean?"

You take a deep breath, dreading the next words that come out of your mouth.

"I'm leaving. I've already given my resignation to Richard, I leave for Maine in the morning."

And then you look at her, and wish you could take it all back. Her eyes have filled with tears, and her mouth has dropped open. She looks heartbroken, devastated and terrified. After all the pain you've caused her in the past, this is the worst. You never meant to make her look this way. You gently pull her into your arms, as you feel your own heart break and tears form in your eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I'm so sorry."

You feel her shake in your arms and wish there was a way you could change things, make her smile again. But there's none.

"Why?" It's all she says.

"To find, I don't know, myself as awful and cheesy as that sounds. Meredith, the last year, it's been hell. And my head's been more than everywhere and anywhere. I need the quiet, I need to get away from it all. I need to find out where I'm supposed to be."

"You're not supposed to be in Maine, I can tell you that much."

You laugh, not knowing what else to do. "I think I need to run away."

Meredith pulls out of your arms now and looks at you. She's no longer crying but her eyes are rimmed with red. You feel like shit, you feel worse than you did that night Addison first breezed in. "Run away from what, Derek? Me?"

You grab her hand, desperate to make her understand. "No, Mer, never you. God, no. But Meredith, my life has become a mess here. A complete utter mess. I need to get away from that, find me again."

"You again?" she asks with a small sad giggle. "I remember that guy, flirted in elevators, got jealous of patients kissing me, ate Muesli every morning. Lots of smiling and laughing. I miss that guy."

"I miss him too. And I lost him in all this mess. I need to find him again, Mer. Please understand."

She takes a deep breath. "I do, I do understand. I just, I just wish you didn't feel the need to leave."

"So do I, Mer. But I can't change the fact I feel like I need to do this."

"I know." You smile as you realize she does. "Will you come back?" she finishes, her voice sounding shaky.

You sigh, wishing you had a straight forward answer to this question. "I don't know." You watch in pain as her face crumbles again, and rush to hurry on. "I want to, Meredith. I plan to. But . . ." You trail off, not knowing what to say.

"You're not making any promises."

"I'm not making any promises." There she goes again, finishing your sentences, making you wish for nothing more than staying with her.

"I'm guessing the next line is asking me not to wait for you."

"I'd love for you to wait for me Meredith. I'm not asking you to, but I'm not asking you not to. You do what you want, the ball is in your court."

Meredith laughs again, it sounds sad. "No, the ball is in Maine."

You laugh with her, amazed that she's still cracking jokes, as painful and sarcastic as they are. "I guess it is." You pause and search for what to say next. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, Mer. I don't know what my future holds."

She nods solemnly. "I'll wait." she says, in a voice barely above a whisper.

"I love you." You find the words slipping from your mouth. You didn't mean to say it, not tonight, not like this. But there they were. And you couldn't take them back. Nor did you want to. Maybe it's because she said she'd wait, maybe it's because she looked so damn vulnerable and beautiful. Maybe you just knew you couldn't last another second without telling her how you felt.

"I love you too", she responds, her voice sounding a lot stronger and more confident than yours had.

You reach into your pocket, searching for the real reason you asked her to meet and didn't just let her find out through the gossiping nurses. Your fingers close around the small object as you pull it out, gazing into her beautiful grey eyes. You always found it ironic her eyes matched her last name.

"I have something for you?"

"You do?" she sounds bewildered.

You open your palm and show the tiny ring that sits in it, sparkling blue, the stone your grandmother had always told you had matched your eyes. You hear a gasp escape her lips.

"It was my great-grandmother's," you explain to her.

"Derek, I can't," she starts but before she can finish you have it slipped on her finger. Not her left hand, her right one. It's not an engagement ring, it's a, well you don't know what it is.

"Yes you can. Wear my ring, Meredith. Keep it when I'm not with you."

Her cheeks are wet again, but this time she looks happy. "Of course," she whispers, looking down at it. "It's the colour of your eyes."

You smile, you didn't expect to smile tonight. "That's what she always told me."

"I'll miss you," she says gazing into your eyes.

"I'll miss you too. Constantly."

"I wish I could beg you not to leave, but I can't. You have to do this for you, I get that. I wish I didn't. These next, who knows how long, would be easier if I could hate you." And that's it, why you love her more than anything, anyone. Because she gets you. She has every reason to be mad, upset, angry. She has every reason to hate you. But she can't. Because she gets you.

"But then you wouldn't be wearing that ring. You know you love the ring."

She laughs, a happy one. You haven't heard it often enough.

And without thinking, you're doing another thing you hadn't planned, you're kissing her, with all the passion to last your living in Maine. You don't know who kissed who first, but here you were, devouring each other. Both your cheeks, hot and wet with tears, the salt running down near your mouths, changing the taste of your usually sweet kiss. It feels right. This kiss feels right.

She gently pulls away and stands up, turning to go back towards her car.

"I love you, Derek Shepherd."

"I love you too, Meredith Grey." The words are hard to get out around the lump that has formed in your throat. "I'll come back to you."

"You better." And with that she steps into her car and drives away.

And you sit and finally really let the tears fall and the sobs overtake your body. The rain begins to fall harder now, but you just stay where you are. Crying for yourself and for Meredith and all that you have already lost. Crying with fear that you may not find your way back, crying with fear that she may not want to wait. The sobs rack your body as you refuse to move, even though you know you should get some rest. Crying just feels more important right now.

But leaving is something you just know you have to do.

Inconveniently it feels like you're leaving the only thing you ever knew, the only thing you've ever wanted to know.

So you let the tears fall.

**So someone please tell me I'm not the only one crying? Please? Because as I'm writing this I'm crying. And for that reason I'm not really writing much here. Besides the fact that this is definitely not a one shot. I have plans for this one, big plans. So it will be continued. Probably umm . . .Friday. **

**My only note . . .this is the first time I've ever played with 2nd person? How did it work? Should I continue with 2nd person for further chapters or switch it? Let me know what you think. **

**Besides you all know the drill . . .read, love, review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: So tomorrow I have to get up early, go to one job, come home for a few hours and then go to the other job. Obviously, I don't own Grey's or any of the characters associated with it. Except for the made up doctor that will appear in this chapter.**

**So here it is the second chapter of my now named fanfic (thanks Anna Careera for the song suggestion). And I've decided that this chapter is going to be from Meredith's perspective. It may be the only chapter that is, but I have an idea. So I need to go with my idea. Lol. Thanks for all the great reviews!**

**(And before I get my head chewed off . . .I have been working on Season 3 as well. Worked on it most of the day, will work on it tomorrow, planning on updating Saturday before I go to my boyfriend's . . .Sunday before the Emmy's at the latest)**

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"Meredith, breakfast is ready!" he yells from downstairs. "You can't be late again." And he's right you can't.

But the thing is you just don't care that much.

As you lift yourself out of bed, the shiny blue rock on your right hand glistens in the sun. Two years. It has been two years since he slipped the ring on your finger and walked out of your life.

And now you wake up beside a different man, a different man makes you breakfast in the morning.

You gaze at the sparkling diamond on your left hand, and wish it meant as much to you as the blue one did. A year. That's how long you've known Andrew, 6 months ago he slipped this ring on your finger and he didn't walk away. A year from now you're getting married. He didn't understand why you wanted to wait so long, but you just couldn't bring yourself to take that step yet.

You hadn't meant to stop waiting for Derek. It just happened that way.

It didn't mean you didn't love him anymore.

You head downstairs and find your fiancé sitting and chatting with Izzie and George. They all get along; have gotten along since he joined the staff of Seattle Grace. But somehow, this never felt right. You gaze at the ring on your right hand, the one you never explained to Andrew and remind yourself that you'll probably never see him again.

"Hey everyone," you say in the bright, fake, cheery voice you've perfected. You've always been good at covering your thoughts.

Izzie looks at you with a grimace. Okay, maybe you weren't that good.

"Hey honey," Andrew leans over and kisses you hello. Usually his kisses remind you of kissing Finn. Today they remind you of kissing George. Today is not a good day, not that you expected it to be. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, it was not bad," you lie. You tossed and turned all night. You had since Derek had walked away. Sleep wasn't something you really remembered doing anymore.

"Good." You're shocked he didn't notice your tossing. Derek would have stayed up all night with you, trying to get you calm enough to fall asleep. Or more likely distracting you from the fact you couldn't sleep, keeping you busy with all sorts of things that made you want to stay awake. You berate yourself to stop comparing the two. Andrew and you aren't like that. That's a good thing.

Maybe.

"So breakfast smells good," you say to break up the awkward silence that always seems to fall when your roommates know you're thinking about Derek.

"Glad you like it. I'm going to go upstairs and shower, I still have a bit till I have to go in, but I'll see you there?"

"Of course." Unless you run off to Maine to go find Derek, you think to yourself. Where did that thought come from? Probably the same place all the thoughts did. It seemed every time you and Andrew made plans you felt the urge to run to Maine.

But you couldn't. Derek made it clear you weren't to go find him. He had to find himself first. You just didn't think it would take 2 years. How lost was he?

As Andrew runs up the stairs, Cristina bangs in the front door and appears in your kitchen. She looks at you, really looks at you. She seems to do that a lot.

"Shit, you're thinking about him again."

"No, no I'm not."

"Yes she is. She's been thinking of him all morning, at least since she's come downstairs," George pipes in.

"She keeps looking at the rings, Derek's, not Andrew's." Izzie adds.

Sometimes you hate your friends, like when they're talking about you as if you're not even there. Yeah, you hate them right now.

"2 years," you hear yourself whispering. You didn't mean to say anything, but maybe they won't hear you as they seem to think you're not there. "It's been 2 years today since I last saw him. Heard from him."

"Oh," you hear both Izzie and George say. Even Cristina looks upset.

You look at the eggs in front you, they're harder than you like, and you wonder how the man you've lived with for 6 months has no idea how you like your eggs. It occurs to you, you probably never told him.

"What are you doing?" Cristina shouts interrupting your thoughts.

"Staring at my eggs." There's no point lying about that one.

"No what the hell are you doing?" She gestures to the ring. The left handed one.

"Getting married."

"To McSettle."

"Why do you call him that?" you ask in a lifeless tone. You already know the answer.

"Because you're settling, you think you can't have McDreamy so you're settling for Andrew. It's pathetic."

"I love Andrew," you try to defend yourself. The words sound hollow even to your own ears.

"Yeah, and I love George." Cristina comes back.

"No offense, Mer, but you don't. You don't love Andrew. At least not in the way you love Dr. Shepherd." George. You didn't expect that kind of response from him.

"Well, I love him enough to marry him."

"Yeah, and be miserable the rest of your life." Izzie says. You catch her eye of the cups of coffee, she shrugs.

"I'm marrying him." You're not sure why you're so determined.

"Seriously? What day are you marrying him?" Cristina asks. It's an unfair question. You remain silent. "Where are you marrying him?" More silence from you. "What colours? What song will you dance to? What kind of flowers will you carry? How many people are you going to invite?" Cristina goes on and on. And you remain silent.

"You should know these things by now, Meri." George cuts in. "At least some of them."

"Getting married to Andrew is the last thing you want to do. We all know it. Why don't you just accept that and give him the ring back?"

"I can't." you say to answer Izzie's question.

"Why the hell not?" Cristina is mean sometimes.

"I promised I'd marry him."

"You also promised Derek you'd wait." George quietly points out.

Shit, that's true.

You're at a loss of anything to say.

The room falls in silence and eventually everyone starts to get up to head to work. Cristina drops something on the table in front of you as she passes by.

"Marry Andrew. And then one day, Derek will come back and he'll find the woman he loves married, with kids and miserable. And the moment your eyes meet, the moment you watch his heart break, that's the moment you'll regret not waiting."

She leaves the room and you look at what she has dropped. A picture of Derek and you. Not a romantic one, you have none of those. Just one randomly taken at the hospital for an awards banquet on a day you had been working together. He's smiling, in a way you forgot he could, his hand casually grasping your arm, in a way a coworker or friend would pose for the picture. You look happier than you remember looking. You look at the picture and see two complete people.

Your eye catches the blue in his eyes and you gaze at the right handed ring and remember how beautiful they are. How filled with tears they were 2 years ago.

In that moment you finally realize why you're finding it impossible to do anything concerning wedding plans.

You're still waiting.

**So let's see where we stand at the moment. It's exactly 2 years since the end of chapter 1. Meredith is engaged to Andrew, who works at the hospital. Derek hasn't been heard from at all. But she still loves him. Oh la la. And I know I said I wasn't updating till Friday but I'm having way too much fun with this one to wait that long.**

**Just for fun lets says Andrew would be played by Eion Bailey. He's really hot. He was on Band of Brothers, and ER, and Center Stage.**

**And I have nothing else to say about this chapter. I don't know why. Usually I go on and on about these things but for some reason, this fic I want to let it stand on it's own. I feel it does. But really if someone needs something explained or whatever just let me know.**

**The drill . . .read, love, review. (lol, that's like my trademark)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Shonda Rimes is basically the coolest woman in the world. And although I have been told numerous times I'm good, I'm not THAT good. I mean, the woman nearly won an Emmy (I have decided in my mind that the man who won only won by a smidgen, like by 1 vote)**

**I'm really glad everyone seems to be enjoying this story. It kind of came to me when I was in the mood to write and I didn't really map it out too much. It comes as I write, so I'm happy people are liking it. I find it different than all my other stuff, but hey it's Mer/Der so it's all good.**

**This chapter is from Derek's perspective. In Maine. So more painful non-Mer/Der. However someone surprising is there. So it's all good. **

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A quick kiss and she is out the door, leaving you in a peace and quiet that you always found yourself looking forward to. Today more than ever.

She had to ask that question.

You gaze at the family photo album that she insisted on looking through that day. For some reason the ring on your grandmother's hand had caught her eye, probably had to do with her working in a jewelry store. She asked about it, and you had to let it slip that it was a family heirloom. Idiot. So she asked what happened to it, she wanted to see it.

You told her a sister had it.

The sister that lives in California that hopefully she would never meet.

And then she found the picture in the back, the one you had stuck back there in hopes of never seeing it again. The one you pulled back out to look at every night.

You told her it was an old friend, an old colleague from Seattle.

Didn't bother to tell her it was the woman that had the ring. At least you hoped she still had it.

As you settle down to read you hear the door open and wonder if she left her keys.

"Do you always leave your door unlocked so strange men can walk in?" a familiar voice comes from the main entrance. You didn't expect to hear that voice, you jump up.

"Mark! What are you doing here?" you ask, hugging the man who had become your best friend again. Manly hug, of course.

"Who was the lovely blonde I saw leaving here?"

"Answer my question first, what are you doing here? Last I heard you were in Seattle." He had called you soon after you had left, letting you know Addison had invited him to come to Seattle. He had been your eyes and ears there ever since.

"Last you heard I was in Seattle. Now I'm in Maine. Who was the blonde?"

"Girlfriend."

"Serious?"

"No," you clear your throat. "You know I don't do serious."

"You also don't usually do blondes."

"Well you know . . ." you trail off, hesitant to say the same that always felt like it was at the tip of your tongue.

"Meredith," Mark says. Yes, that's the name.

"How is she?"

"Engaged."

"What? She's what?" you sputter out as you feel your heart beat hard in your chest and you fall into the seat that is fortunately right behind you. It had only been two and a half years. She wasn't supposed to move on yet, you hadn't. She was supposed to wait.

You sound selfish even in your own head.

"She's been engaged for the last year, Derek." Mark comes back into the room after finding two beers in the fridge.

"Why, why did no one tell me?" you sputter out again, seeing your hands shaking as you take the beer from him.

"We kept hoping you'd come back, hoping you'd show up at her door and she'd forget all about McSettle."

"McSettle?" It felt weird to think of a McNickname again, it had been so long since anyone had used your own. Too damn long.

"That's what Yang calls him. Meredith figures she can't have her McDreamy so she's settling for whatever-his-name-is. Shame if you ask me. So I was sent, as your best friend, to come convince you to win her back. She needs you Derek."

"What? I can't, I can't come back not now." You really don't know what your saying. As the words spew out of your mouth part of your mind, that part you ignore far too often, is yelling at you to go now, not to worry about packing a bag, to go punch this McSettle out and never let anyone touch YOUR Meredith again.

Too bad you're so good at ignoring that voice.

Mark gets up and give you a look like you're an idiot. Maybe you are. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"She's getting married, Mark. I can't just storm back in now, demand that she takes that ring off and run off with me. That's not my place anymore."

"She's miserable, Derek."

"You have no way of knowing that, Mark. She's probably happy." There goes your mouth again, saying what needs to be said, even when your brain is screaming random facts like Mark wouldn't be here if she was happy, that there's no way she could be happy without you.

"I think the fact her best friends came to me and said that I had to come get you suggests something. I may not know her well, but they do." Mark looks at you, he must have seen the hope in your eyes because he continues. "Not good enough? What about the fact she still wears that blue ring you gave her. Not only does she still wear but she stares at it so often even the patients have noticed."

Hope springs eternally seemingly and the voice you ignore (that you have always considered to be Meredith's voice) yells at you jump up and race out of the house. You take a swig of beer hoping to drown it. "I'm not going."

"I'm sorry, I assumed you were still in love with her."

At this you finally so jump up and meet Mark eye to eye. "Don't you dare question my feelings towards Meredith, you have no idea how I feel about her."

"I think I do, But if I'm right in how you feel about her, you'd be running out the door right now, not standing here like a stubborn ass." Mark has known you far too long and seems to like pissing you off.

You're yelling now, to help ignore the voice in your head that's yelling louder. "I can't go. I have a life here! A job! A girlfriend! Friends! Hobbies! A dog!"

"And you have the love of your life in Seattle, about to marry another man who is so wrong for her it's frightening."

You sit back down on the couch and bury your face in your hands, terrified at the thought of losing her officially, but terrified of the thought of going back. "I can't." Your voice is quiet this time.

Mark sits down beside you.

"You're scared." He says matter of factly. You start to protest but he cuts you off. "Derek, I've known you since we were 5, don't bother arguing with me."

"Last time I was in Seattle, I hurt her so bad, Mark. I broke her. And I broke me. I got lost in it all of that mess, and me being lost, I couldn't be with the one person I wanted to be with. I can't go through that again. I can't put her through that again."

"Derek, I didn't talk to you once when you were with Meredith, but from what I've heard from everyone, mainly Richard, with Meredith it's the one time you knew yourself. Meredith is where you are, Derek. Stop being a moron, you're better than this."

Sadly, you know he's right, but still . . .

"I can't." you tell him again. This time that inner monologue doesn't fight back.

"So you're going to let her marry another man?"

"I'm going to let her be happy." You opt to ignore the tears on your cheeks.

"She's not." Mark gets up and walks towards the door. He stops and turns around right before he reaches it. "Derek Shepherd, I've known you my whole life. I've thought many thing about you. I've seen you be an ass, I've seen you be my hero. I would have never taken you for a coward."

Your best friend walks out the door, headed back to Seattle. You wish, more than you would ever admit, that you were with him.

Instead you sit and let the tears flow. It's the first time you've cried since your last night with her. That was an ending, so is this. You get up and walk to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of scotch and ignoring the need for a glass, still not bothering to stop the tear flow.

The story wasn't supposed to end this way. You in Maine dating a woman you knew you would never love. Meredith in Seattle about to marry some guy not even George and Izzie could pretend to like. The story wasn't supposed to end this way.

**Seemingly I've been in the mood for a cry fest as of late. Because up this point, this story has been a doozy. But I promise, things are changing soon. Both of them just need a wake up call, a big one, and it's coming. (and no neither of them are going to get in an accident). It's not even that big of wakeup call on the surface.**

**Why Mark out of the blue? I needed someone to tell Derek Meredith was engaged. I needed someone to yell at him and put him in his place and call him an idiot. It couldn't be an intern, because he may have shrugged them off. It couldn't be Richard, because well it just couldn't. I contemplated Addie, but felt Mark fit better. **

**And that's all, as I never say much about these. I can almost 100 guarantee this will be updated later today (Wednesday) because I REALLY want to write the next chapter. If it wasn't 3 am I'd be doing it now.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. At all. Not even a little tiny bit of it. But if I ever get any money in this world I would probably use it to buy a tiny little bit of Grey's Anatomy.**

**I love that people are loving this story. I think it's my favourite so far, which is saying something because I love all my stuff. But this one is so different than everything I've read, so I'm loving that about it. I just beg that everyone gives poor Derek a break. He's just trying to do what he thinks is right for Mer. And everything will work out.**

**Sorry this update is so late. I meant to do it earlier today but I got called into work. And last night I rented Lucky Seven and my mom decided she wanted to watch it today, and well I can't turn down a chance to watch Patrick, now can I?**

**So here it is . . .the day that changes everything. It's going to switch between Derek and Meredith's perspectives, but I'll make the switches very clear.**

**Enjoy.**

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Meredith:

You approach the red head, wondering to yourself why she could have possibly asked for you to come and see her. You were friends now, well sort of, as friendly as you could be with the love of your life's ex-wife.

"Meredith," she smiles in greeting, but somehow it looks sad.

"Addison, you wanted to see me." For some reason, you don't think this is the time for small talk.

"I've already spoken to Richard, you have the next few days off."

"What? Why do I have days off?" This makes no sense. You're a fourth year resident, fourth year residents don't get a few days off, unless something happens. And Addison wouldn't be the one telling you something happened.

Addison expression grows somber and your heart picks up, wondering what could possibly garner you a few days off.

"Derek's dad died."

"What?" You feel your heart break a little for the man you love.

"His mom called me last night, she wanted me to let Derek's friends in Seattle know. She wanted me to know. His dad had a heart attack yesterday afternoon while fishing, there was nothing anyone could do."

"Oh god, Der," you find yourself wishing you were there right now. He needs you.

"Exactly why you have the next few days off. He needs you Meredith."

Okay, you never expected Addison to have the same thoughts as you, unless they were something about how good Derek's ass looked in his scrub pants. Or how stupid Derek was for running away, and still not coming back.

"His mom called you, you should go. You, you know them." You don't know where that thought came from, but the words just tumble out.

"Meredith, he doesn't want me. He's probably sitting at home right now wishing he had the strength to call you. He wants you Meredith. Go to him."

Your mind briefly wanders and you wonder whether you should all go visit Dr. Phil. The ex-wife yelling at you to go see her ex-husband. Maybe Jerry Springer would be more appropriate, especially with Mark thrown in the mix.

You noticed Addison eyeing at you, and your mind jumps back in place.

"He hasn't called me in three years."

"Listen, we both know Derek is an idiot at the best of times. But he's hurting, and I know that when he's hurting, he wants you."

"But . . ." you start to protest, but the words die in your lips. You really don't know how to protest what you so badly want to do.

"Meredith, when I first told you Derek's dad died what was your first thought?"

You gulp and glance around you, not wanting to answer the question because you knew you couldn't lie. Addison could always tell when you were lying. You never knew how, but she could always tell.

"I wanted to go to him."

"Go with that feeling." She shoves a plane ticket in your hand and turns and walks away, leaving you confused. Your heart already with him, but really it's never been anywhere else.

Derek:

You stare at the phone that's in your hands and will yourself to dial the number you still know by heart. But you can't. Not now.

_Hi Meredith, I know you haven't heard a word from me in 3 years. Almost to exact day. But the thing is, my dad died, and I need you. So can you drop everything and come. Please._

No, for some reason you didn't think that would work.

"What are you doing?" Jen says as she enters the room. She's brunette, not blonde like the last one, the one that Mark met.

"There's, there's someone that should be called. She'd want to know. But I can't, I just can't call her," you find yourself trying explain. The words don't seem true to you, there is no reason Meredith would want to know.

"Was she close to your dad?" Jen sits beside you, rubbing your back. You're not in love with her; she's not in love with you. But she's been there since yesterday.

You laugh sadly. "Never met him. She was close to me, though" you finish, quietly the words trailing off.

"Meredith?"

You feel your breath catch in your throat as your head raises to meet her eyes. You never told her about Meredith, you never told anyone about Meredith.

"You say her name in your sleep almost every night, I've always figured she's the woman you're in love with."

"How, how did you know I was in love . . . how?"

"Derek, a woman knows when a man's in love. Every time you smell lavender, you stop and smile. When you make grilled cheese sandwiches you whistle songs by The Clash. Occasionally when we go shopping I hear you mutter things about how she'd like that under your breath."

You look at her incredulously, you had never even realized you did these things, they just must have happened. "Oh," you say in a whisper, not knowing how else to respond.

"Did she love you?"

You nod silently, afraid to say the words out loud.

"Call her, she deserves to be called." With that Jen gives you a quick kiss on the cheek goodbye and heads out the front door. You wonder if you will ever see her again. You wonder why you don't care.

With shaky fingers and wet eyes you dial the number, wishing more than anything you had dialed it years ago. Like right when you first got to Maine, and realized that living without seeing Meredith Grey everyday just wasn't worth it.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end picks up. Izzie.

"Hello, Dr. Stevens." you respond, not knowing what else could be said.

"Derek? Derek is that you?"

"Yeah," you clear your throat, "yeah it's me."

Silence falls over the line. You don't know what to say, but can picture Izzie throwing things or fuming silently over you disappearing from her friends life. You wish there was something you could say, something that makes it better, but there isn't.

"Is Meredith there?" And that's all you could come up with.

"No, no, she's not. I'm sorry, Derek." And she really does sound sorry.

"Oh, umm, oh." At a loss for words again. It hadn't occurred to you that she might not be there, and now you weren't sure what to say, what to do.

"I'm sorry about your dad." Izzie breaks into the silence.

You pause in shock, how do they know? "You know?"

"Addison. Your mom called Addison."

"Thanks, thanks for being sorry." you hear yourself saying, you're mind racing a mile minute, wondering why Meredith hadn't called to see if you were all right, wondering how she had taken the news, wondering if she wanted to come to you.

"The new neurosurgeon kind of sucks after you, Derek." Izzie laughs. You wonder why she is continuing talking to you and hasn't hung up. You all but killed her friend.

You laugh anyway. "I didn't mean to stay gone for 3 years. I never meant to leave her for this long." you hear yourself explaining.

"I know. We know." Izzie pauses and you think you hear some movement in the background. Meredith? Then you hear her whisper George's name. Suddenly you miss them all. "No one here hates you, we just want you back."

You take a breath at these words. They want you back. Meredith's family wants you back, still. Even after you had sent Mark away 6 months ago, saying you had all but given up. Meredith's family still wanted you back.

"Can you tell her, can you tell Meredith I called?"

You hear the smile in Izzie's voice. "Of course I will."

All of a sudden you smile, for the first time since your mom called the night before. "Tell her I still do."

"She does too."

And with that you both hang up.

You lean back in your chair, and finally let the tears fall. For your dad. For Meredith. For you. You want her beside you so badly it's like an ache. It's been dull for the past three years but with the passing of your father, your hero, it had roared to life. You needed her in a way you have never needed anyone else.

But she was in Seattle. And you were in Maine, tomorrow in New York. But she'd still be in Seattle.

You stare at the phone, wiping tears from your eyes, wondering if she would call back.

**I don't know why, but every single on of my Derek perspective have ended with him in tears. Don't worry, that will be fixed soon.**

**This chapter wasn't actually supposed to be a chapter, but for some reason I've decided to throw it in. I don't know why. It just felt like it needed to be done. Maybe because I wanted to add some Addie, because I do love her. Maybe it was the Izzie thing. I don't know. It was going to be referenced as in "Oh this is how we knew" but I changed my mind.**

**And this raises so many questions . . . where is Meredith? Is she going to go to find Derek? or will Derek go to her? Is Meredith married? Play dramatic music now.**

**There will either be an update immediately following this one or tomorrow night. Depends on how fast I write. Going to go start writing now, if I finish before I head to bed I will post. If not I will finish it tomorrow night and post. But it will be soon. And it will be good.**

**Btw, this fanfic is going to be . . .umm probably about 8 chapters long. I know, short, but I don't want to drag it on and on after I've accomplished what I came to accomplish.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own or write for Grey's Anatomy. But I hope to some day. Well not own (well I do want to own Patrick Dempsey) but just write for. Which is strange, because I have NEVER thought of writing for a tv show before but now it's like the ultimate dream. Either write for GA or pull a Shonda. You know, Dianne Charrol is on GA because Shonda always said if she ever had success she wanted to work with her. Well if I ever get any success, I want to work with Patrick Dempsey.**

**I have officially decided I'm going to review every story I read on this site. Because I love getting all the feedback and knowing that people are loving where I'm going. I even love little complaints. And I always find that some stories are so under-reviewed compare to the stuff I do (not complaining, keep reviewing mine like nuts!). Just a little observation from Grave.**

**This chapter doesn't need much intro. It's been a couple of days since my last chapter. That's all I really need to say. It's long. And I'm thinking right now, it might be all from Derek's perspective. Which actually may bump this fanfic to 9 or 10 chapters now that I'm thinking about it.**

**Enjoy.**

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Tears flow down your cheeks as you look through the crowd of people and at the hole in the ground they had just placed your father's body in. You knew you should be closer, standing with your sisters and your mom. But you had never liked funerals, it felt more comfortable to blend into the background.

A hand slips into yours, catching you completely by surprise.

But you pause before looking over. You know that ring, the one cutting into your hand. More importantly you know that feel of that hand. You know the safe and warm feeling that always accompanies it.

"Meredith," you whisper, still looking straight ahead, shocked and terrified to look at her. Terrified that if you turn your head, she will vanish, a figment of your imagination caused by drinking far too much alcohol with your sisters the night before.

She squeezes your hand in response and to quiet you.

The priests words get lost in your head, that annoying voice didn't seem to annoying anymore so you decided to listen to it for a bit. It was jumping around and screaming. She came. She came. She was here beside you, holding your hand. For the first time in three years you didn't feel alone. For the first time you felt like you.

A smile spreads across your face and you immediately feel bad for smiling at your dad's funeral.

But than, he'd probably understand. He had always been a sucker for a good love story.

The service ends and everyone starts to leave, headed back to your childhood home for a gathering, one of those morbid post-funeral parties. Before your mother can walk away you head towards her, dragging Meredith behind you and quickly explain to your mom that you will be a little late, that you want some time alone with your dad. She nods and gives Meredith an odd look. And then notices the ring on the finger that entangled with your own and smiles.

Explanations would have to come later.

Eventually everyone is gone. But you and Meredith.

And your dad.

You turn and for the first time you meet Meredith's eyes. They hadn't changed. She hadn't changed. It's all you can do not to fall into her arms and never get up again. But you hadn't lied to your mom, you wanted time alone with your dad.

And with Meredith.

So without saying a word, you lead her closer to the grave and you sit down, not caring about your suit and pull her down into your lap, the smell of lavender encasing you.

Briefly you think of how wrong it is to feel the need to cry tears of joy when sitting at your father's freshly dug grave.

She snuggles closer into your arms as you take a deep breath.

" He never got to meet you," you say into her hair, tears coming to your eyes again. "I really wanted him to meet you." It's the first words, you have spoken to her in over 3 years, unless you count her name, which you don't. Your voice sounds rough, from crying and a hangover, and yet she gives you a small smile.

"He can meet me now."

You choke back a sob. She wants to meet him. "I don't talk to graves."

"Well I do."

She would, you think to yourself as she shuffles in your lap, so she facing the grave instead of you.

"Hello, Mr. Shepherd. I'm Meredith Grey, and your son," she stops and looks up at you. There are tears in her eyes. "Your son is the love of my life. I'm sorry we never met when you were alive, but you raised a moron, so you can't blame that on me." You laugh at this, it felt good to laugh with her. She continues. "I know him well enough to know that he's going to miss you a lot, sir, but I'll take good care of him. I promise."

She seems to be done. "He wouldn't have liked being called sir. Or Mr. Shepherd for that matter. But the rest was pretty damn perfect."

"I'd want him to like me."

And then you look at each other, really look. You notice a few new lines around her eyes that weren't there when you left. Her eyes look flat, not the sparkle you remember but you have faith you can bring it back. Her hair is slightly shorter. But the rest, the rest is all the same. Your Meredith.

You watch as her face begins to crumble and you can feel your own doing the same.

As you pull her closer, if that was at all possible, you both break into tears and begin to cling desperately for each other, terrified of not finding the other one there. But for once, she is there, and your heart breaks a little more thinking of all the time you lost.

So you two sit tangled up in each other and cry. You're not even sure what you're crying for anymore. But you know if feels right.

Eventually your tears start to ebb, and you hold her, waiting until her tear flow stops. She shakes in your arms and silently you curse yourself for not already having rushed to her side years ago. She shouldn't have been the one to come find you. You left, you ran, you should have had to go crawling back to her, not the other way around. And she had been right to stop waiting. Three years. You're an idiot. A moron. The last person on earth that could ever possibly deserve a woman like Meredith Grey.

And yet here she is, crying on your lap.

So you hold her, and wonder what you did in a past life that earned you this. Because it must have been a past life, you had never done anything good enough in this life. This life you were an ass.

And yet Meredith Grey had come back to you.

"Hi," you hear her whisper and look down at her. The crying had stopped.

"Hey," you whisper back and gently brush your lips against her forehead. Not a kiss. Just a touch.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry about your dad." It seems like the most absurd thing for the love of your life, who is sitting on your lap in the middle of a graveyard to say. It's something an acquaintance says, not the woman on your lap.

But she is Meredith.

"Thanks, thanks," you say just as absurdly, as you look at your father's grave. Three years since you saw her, and this is all you can think to say. You're more pathetic than you originally thought.

"Were you close to him?" She's looking at you, with that look. Not your look. The other look, the _I love you so much, please open up to me, please tell me everything there is to know, and don't leave secret wives out this time _look.

And this time you want to tell her everything.

"Of course we were. It was me and him, and 5 woman. We had to be close, we wanted to be close." You look down and finger a thread on her dress, as you feel her fingers run through her hair. "He was my hero."

Meredith looks at the grave, you know she's reading the word hero, the word your mother had put there especially for you. "Was he a doctor, like you?"

"He wanted to be a doctor, but his parents, they didn't have the money to send him to school. So he ran a store." You laugh sadly at the memory of your dad behind the counter, the only store in town where teenagers were more than welcome to loiter as they were usually friends of his children. "He was amazing, Mer. He would have adored you."

"I'm sorry I never met him."

"So am I." You laugh sadly again, memories of your dad rushing through your head. "He was so upset when I told him I wanted to be a doctor. He thought I was only trying to live his life for him, finish the dream he never got to. It took me months to convince him otherwise."

Meredith laughs, you forgot how much that laugh made you tingle all over. "He was proud, I bet he was proud."

"He called me once a week, at least, and every time we said goodbye, he'd tell me he loved me and that he was proud." You feel tears come to your eyes again, and try to blink them back. But she has seen them, she reaches up and wipes on away. "Through every thing, he was always proud of me. Even after, well after . . .he's one of the reasons I stayed with Addison."

You probably shouldn't have said that, but that's the moron side of you talking again. Meredith looks terrified all of a sudden. "He liked her that much."

"My dad? He hated her. I was probably one of the only sons in the world that had their father beg him not to get married. But, my dad respected the vows. He brought us up to believe that a marriage was forever. So I stayed with her." You meet her eyes, fighting the urge to kiss her. "Even when I had every reason not to."

"What did he say when you finally left her? When you moved to Maine?"

You laugh, knowing that she will love this answer. "He called me an idiot and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing leaving that girl in Seattle."

She frowns. "Oh, he was disappointed you left . . ."

You cut her off before she can accuse your father of something you now understand he never would have thought. "He was disappointed I left you."

"Me? He knew about me?" she looks at you. And smiles.

"He was the only one I told. I needed to tell someone. When nights with Addison were unbearable I needed to have someone to call, someone that would listen to me lament about how perfect you had looked that day. You made him so damn happy, he loved hearing about you."

"Wow," she whispers looking at your dad's grave. You knew she'd like that bit.

"He yelled at me that day. I think leaving you, running away from us was the first thing I had ever done that really let him down. The first year I was gone he'd listen, he'd let me cry for you. Last time we talked when I tried to mention your name he told me I had no right to say that name, not after everything I had done." All of a sudden you laugh again, not so sad this time, and look at the grave yourself. "Meredith, Meredith, Meredith, can't stop me now old man." You look back at her a swipe a hair out of her face. You had forgotten how smooth her hair felt between your fingers. "He was always on your side, Mer."

Meredith gives a sad half smile. "Now I really wish I could have met him. I don't know all that many people who are on my side."

"You know me." you say, giving her the look you knew her and her friends had deemed your McDreamy look. You hoped it worked after all the years of no practice.

She smiles back at you. It worked. "I know you."

Your eyes meet, and time seems to stop. You stop being the man sitting at your dad's grave with the woman you had done everything to screw it all up with. She stops being the girl that was always there, the one with the messed up family and the crazy work hours. In that moment, you become Derek and Meredith and that's all that really matters. Derek and Meredith. You find yourself staring at her lips, wondering if they still feel the same, taste the same. Wondering how you ever lived without it. Slowly your body starts to lean forward with a will of it's own and still staring at her lips you feel hers do the same. You are inches apart from her, you can feel her breath tickle your lips.

In amazement, you feel a tear form in your eye and quickly blink, before she could notice.

In that moment, she jumps up and starts to walk away from you. Well not walk away, more like pace around you. She didn't pace, she rambled. She must have picked up the pacing from you.

"I didn't come here for this. I didn't come to New York to see you and to do this. I came, I came, well I came but not for this." Okay, maybe she still rambles.

It's adorable and you can't help but smile.

She gives you a dirty look.

"You came to New York for another reason and just happened across my dad's funeral?" Now is probably not the time to joke.

"No I came for the funeral. Addison handed me a plane ticket and told me you would need me. So I came." Addison. You didn't expect Addison to have any part of this, but you had thought you loved her once. You knew there must have been some reason behind it. Oh, Meredith is still talking, well rambling. "I came here to be here for you. Not to go crawling back into your arms like some pathetic person who can't live without you. Even if I am some pathetic person who can't live without you, that wasn't the plan." All of a sudden she turns towards you, fire in her eyes. "You left me." Okay, that sounds painfully familiar. "I'm not going to run back to you, you had to find yourself. And maybe you have, maybe you haven't. But you didn't come back to me, I'm not about to come back to you. That's not the way this is working. I'm not that kind of woman anymore."

God, you love her. "You were never that kind of woman."

"Exam room, remember? No exam room this time."

You laugh softly and walk towards her. "Meredith …"

She cuts you off. "No, no Meredith. And no McDreamy look. Cristina taught me how to fight that one."

Damn Cristina.

"Just come to my car with me, there's something I have to show you."

Without looking to see if she's following you head towards your car, to show her what she needs to see. That thing that will change everything. You know she's behind you.

She's your Meredith.

She gives you an odd look as you pull out your laptop and start booting it up. You don't blame her. You'd give her an odd look if she did that.

You hand her the laptop, you heart racing. "Read that."

Of course, she doesn't. You didn't really expect her to. You kind of expected her to launch the laptop across the grass and yell at you for having inappropriate responses.

Instead she just looks at you like you may be on glue. "What is it?"

"A letter to the chief of surgery at my current job, a letter of resignation. If you want to listen to my phone messages you'll hear one from Dr. Webber who is completely thrilled at the prospect of having me back." Meredith looks at you incredulously, but she looks happy. Which makes you happy. "Whether you came or not, after the funeral I was going to resign and move home. Move home to you."

"To me?"

"To you."

"No, you can't. You can't. You just want to make this right because your dad, you don't want to leave this big let down, you want to make his death mean something . . ." She's rambling again. You grab the laptop out of her hands and hold on to her arms.

This is it. If you blow it now, there is no one to blame but yourself. Not to mention no future for you, but it may be best to ignore that fact.

"Meredith. Meredith. Listen to me." She finally stops rambling and meets your eyes. You wish they were dry, but find it impossible not to tear up. "I am coming home to you because I love you. And I'm a moron. I ran away from Seattle to find myself again but was to thick to realize that there's only been one time in my life where I actually knew myself, and that's when you were beside me. You make me who I am. I need you. I'm coming home to you because when my dad died, all I wanted was you. Everyone tried to offer me comfort and I found none until you slipped your hand in mine. I'm coming home to you not because my dad liked you. Hell, he didn't like you, he never met you. But he liked the man I was when I was with you. I want to be that man again, because I liked him too. Mer, you're the only place I belong, there's no other place I want to be. I hate that it took my dad dying to wake up, but I'm here now. And even if you say no, even if you're a married woman and really want nothing to do with me, I'm staying right here. Because there is no other place for me to be. You complete me and I can't stand the thought of waking up one more morning with anyone else by my side."

That wasn't the end of your speech, but Meredith seemed to think it was. Because her lips were pressed against yours, making it impossible for you to say anything more. Not that you cared. She still tasted the same, felt the same. And she was kissing you. You. You hadn't lost her. Your face is wet again, but this time you know why. Never have you been this happy.

Never have you felt this cheesy before. God, what had she done to you.

She pulls away. "I love you." She sounds breathless.

"I love you too." You pause and realize you still don't know something. "You're not married, are you?"

"No, no. I couldn't."

"Good." With that you sweep her into your arms and swing her around, feeling like the hero in a romance novel.

Oh if Yang could see the two of you now.

"Come on. My mom will kill me if I don't get home soon. You have to meet her." Meredith just laughs and slings her arm around your waist as you open the passenger car door.

She smiles at you, a brilliant smile. God, you really are a moron, leaving her to find out that she's just where you belong.

Okay, this thinking like a romance novel thing has got to stop.

**There everyone, Derek is no longer an ass. That's all I'm saying, Derek is no longer an ass. He was going to go to her but she got to him first. I don't have anything else to say about this chapter besides sorry it was so long.**

**This will definitely be 10 chapters, I have it mapped out. And it's going to stay angsty but fluffy angst. Lol. I guess the everday kind of angst instead of the current Meredith/Derek angst. Nothing is ever smooth sailing, but at least they found eachother.**

**I'm shooting to update this Monday. Maybe a Season 3 update that night too if you're all lucky and are really nice to me. Especially those who actually know me and consider me a friend (cough cough I could name names).**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's Anatomy, Derek would be showing me that thing he does in the shower. Alas, I can only imagine what that thing is.**

**Sorry it took a while for this update. I know I said I'd do it Monday but I was trying to work on Season 3. My current episode in Season 3 is giving me a bit of a problem, as I know how I want it to end but don't know how to get it there. So it's been a struggle. This one got left on the side . . .sorry. But I'm updating now . . .mainly because I fear death if I don't. **

**This chapter is kind of filler, but it's a cute scene and answers some hanging questions. And keep with the angst. And it's Meredith and Joe. I was inspired to write some Joe after hearing about his half of the book (which my crappy city is all "We don't know when it arrives"). **

**So enjoy.**

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You sit on the stool at Joe's and stare at the beer in front of you. You had always been more of a tequila girl, but not anymore. Not since Derek had left. Since he had left three years ago you have finished with your getting drunk and sleeping with inappropriate men stage. You deserved better than that.

The ring on your finger helped you realize that.

"He'll come home, Meredith," a voice interrupts your thoughts. You look up. Joe is standing on the other side of the bar with a friendly smile on his face.

"It's been two weeks, Joe." you deadpan. It had. It had been two weeks since you had returned home from New York. Two weeks since he had passionately kissed you goodbye, in front of his mother no less and promised to be in Seattle as soon as he could get there. Two weeks didn't seem like as soon as he could get there to you.

These two weeks had been spent in hell, worrying that he had changed his mind, worried that he wasn't coming. You were worried that yet again, for a third time, that you weren't enough for him. That as much as he claimed he loved you, you just weren't enough.

"He'll come," Joe reassured you, setting another drink in front of you.

"You've been saying that for three years," you respond sharply. You know taking out your anger at McShithead on Joe was wrong, but he was there. And Derek wasn't.

Story of your life.

"I know I have. And I'll be right. I always am. Come on, Mer, you and Derek are meant for each other, he'll show. " Joe attempted to cheer you up.

"Than why am I sitting here alone?" you ask him with a cruel laugh.

"Meredith, he has a life in Maine. He can't pick up and leave over night." Joe tried to reason with you.

"He's done it before, twice." You don't like thinking about the nights he ran away. That original night when he found Addison in bed with Mark and ran to your arms. Or that other night, when he had told you he loved you and disappeared. Both had just led to far too much pain on your end. Maybe you have would have been better off if he had never ran away from New York and Addison in the first place.

Even your slightly intoxicated mind can make yourself believe that.

"He ran away twice. Now he's running too something so he's doing it properly, finishing things before he comes. And he's probably terrified."

You laugh at that, really laugh. "Derek Shepherd, terrified? I don't see it."

Joe nods confidently. "He's terrified. Remember, I was his bartender too, it's not just your deep drunken confession I hear, I heard his too. You scare him, Meredith."

You think you might choke on your beer, so instead you nearly spit it out. "There is no way I scare Derek. I mean, no, I just, no, I don't."

However, you do wonder what else he confessed to Joe.

"Meredith, the way you two are, it's not normal. You're it for him, and that scares guys. But whatever you say, he'll be here. I know it." And then he smiles at you in a way that makes you wonder if he knows more than you. "Just remember to invite me to the wedding."

You laugh whole heartedly at his. Derek and you getting married had seemed all but impossible. It still did most of the time. But thinking of that week in New York with his family, being part of the very large Shepherd clan, maybe it was possible. After that week you thought anything was possible. Of course now here you were, two weeks later, wondering why the hell he wasn't there yet.

Joe looks happy to see you smiling again. "Speaking of weddings, what happened to Andrew?"

Ah yes, this game. The 'Let's make sure Meredith never smiles for more than five consecutive seconds' game.

You sigh. "I dumped him. He was perfect and I dumped him. I dragged him along for 2 years. For a year and a half he actually thought I was going to marry him and I dumped him. Because Derek's dad died, and Derek, my Derek, needed me."

Joe laughed. He laughed. How dare he laugh at you? "So you let him go before heading off to New York."

"Yes, because seemingly I'm an idiot." Okay, you weren't quite sure what was so idiotic about breaking up with a guy you clearly weren't in love with, but you did know you felt like one right now.

"You're not." Joe says walking away to serve another customer.

He doesn't leave you alone for long. This is why you love coming to Emerald City Bar, even though you had cut back on your old drinking ways. You came to see your friend, the one that really was always there for you.

You look at your friend across the bar and can tell he's looking for an explanation. Just because he was always there for you did not make him any less annoying than George and Izzie.

You sigh again. "I couldn't go to be there for Derek when I was engaged to someone else. I couldn't do that to Derek." You pause and quickly add, "And Andrew." figuring it sounded better to add the fiancé in to your reasoning.

"So there goes the whole you went to be a friend to him theory."

You give him your best imitation of a patented Cristina look. "I did, I went as a friend. But he's Derek. And I'm Meredith."

Joe laughs. "Ain't that the truth?" You like when Joe sounds like one of those stereotypical bar tenders from the movies.

"He'll come, right?" you ask, not caring that once again Derek is making you sound insecure.

"He'll come. Because he's Derek and you're Meredith."

You smile. You liked the explanation, made it sound like there was no other option for a different outcome.

A man sits down beside you and smiles at you. Blonde haired, blue eyes, good looking in that Ken doll type of way. In the old Meredith whore days you would have taken him home with you that night. You would have said something saucy to him right about now, he would have offered to buy you a drink. You would have accepted and soon would have been flirting up a storm. And before long asking him to come home with you. It would have ended with a shower and him being gone when you got back. It was your MO.

But times had changed. You looked at the ring on your finger. Now you had Derek.

Ironic that he had started out just that way.

"Can I buy you a drink?" the man asks, interrupting your staring at the ring. Seemingly making that saucy statement wasn't needed with this one.

You look up and notice Joe hovering protectively. You wonder if he's protecting you and protecting Derek. And then you realize he's probably protecting you both. Joe has always been a staunch Derek supporter, even in the worse of times. Probably because Derek always managed to get you into Joe's in need of a drink. Or maybe because he saw the first time you ever met. Whatever it was, Joe wanted you both happy.

This Ken doll wasn't what you wanted, but you smile at him anyway.

"No thanks. I'm taken."

McKen-doll looks around you. "I don't see anyone around, so I think I should be safe."

Joe smiles at you and clears his throat ready to interrupt but you cut him off. You want to handle this one. "Alone tonight, but I am. I am taken. And I'm really not interested."

McKen-doll keeps pushing. "Well where is he?"

You turn to Joe and smile at him. "He's coming. He'll be here sooner or later."

And as Joe takes your empty beer bottle away, you slip off the stool and wave a quick goodbye at him, going home to your bed. Because in that moment you realize that he is Derek. And you are Meredith. His Meredith.

He's coming.

**That update ended up being longer than I thought it would but as I said mainly filler. I felt like adding in a Joe scene. And people wanted to know what happened with Andrew so this was my explanation, she dumped him before going to see Derek. And I needed her to get to the realization that although she went for Derek, now he IS coming back to her. So she needed to do her freak out thing and calm down.**

**My fave part of this chapter was the ending, her telling McKen-doll that she's taken and he's coming. So cute. And the she's Meredith and he's Derek of it all. **

**I promise an update tomorrow, probably after GA maybe before depending on how bored I get at school as I have 4 hours to kill. And it will be a better chapter, because Derek is coming. And don't worry he has his reasoning of why it took so long. And it's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. So don't start calling him an ass again on me.**

**Anyway …**

**Read. Love. Review.**

**(btw as I said, having issues with this episode of Season 3 so it's taking a bit, but I promise it will be up by . . .umm hopefully Monday, aiming for Monday, not making promises but that's the goal.)**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Because if I did, well I would have seen that full version of the Mer/Der sex long ago. Hell, I would have fought tooth and nail to get that full version to be shown on tv. And I would yell at Ellen for continuously saying she didn't enjoy it. Because if she didn't enjoy that she's either lesbian or dead. I mean Patrick freakin Dempsey was thrusting.

Sorry this has taken a while, especially since I said it would be up a while ago. But school started so I've been far busier than I would like, plus getting back into the swing of things has kind of put a damper on my need to write. But tonight I've been itching to write all night, so even if it might be more intelligent and far more advisable to be in bed sleeping, here I am.

Hell, I don't think I could sleep tonight if I wanted to . . . I mean Patrick was thrusting! (if you are confused as to what I'm talking about do yourself a favour and look up the extended mer/der exam room scene on you tube)

Enjoy! (btw this is being type on my snazzy new lap top)

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It has been a month since you last smelled lavender, well at least the lavender you had spent 3 years aching to smell. And now it had been a month since you smelled it last. Possibly the longest month of your life, you realize with a side smile as you stare through her glass door, contemplating whether to knock, walk right in or leave. Leaving may be best. She probably wouldn't let you in. You who was supposed to be on a plane right after her. You told her that last time you had seen her. And now a month had gone by.  
Not that that was your fault.  
You hadn't meant to stay away for so long.  
Everything had gone as planned for you. After she had gone home you drove back to Maine where you handed in your resignation and prepared to take off for the other side of the country. It had taken a week all told, you imagined a week wasn't bad. You had missed her like crazy. And then you decided instead of flying out from Maine, you'd drive through the country, easier to get your car there that way. And that you should probably stop and see your mom before heading out. You hadn't expected to find your mom in such a mess, of course you couldn't leave her after that. You had to stay. What kind of son would leave a destroyed mother?  
Of course you knew you should have called. But you were scared. Scared that she'd wake up and realize that you were her biggest mistake. That her and what's his nuts in Seattle were perfectly happy. That waiting for you any longer than she already had would be insane, because well it would be. You were terrified because you knew she was it, for you there was no after Meredith, nor did you want one. You were scared because you loved her and needed her more than you loved and needed anyone else. You were terrified that you'd get there and do something to mess it up. Or that it just wouldn't work, and if you needed anything, you needed Meredith to work.  
You were horrified to realize that all along you had been hers, you belonged to her. And you weren't used to belonging to anyone.  
"Dr. Shepherd?" a male voice asks.  
You look up and realize the George and Izzie stood in the doorway, staring that you. One of them must have walked by and seen you loitering.  
"O'Malley! Izzie! How has it been?" Okay, you had never been that friendly with them, you always had gotten the distinct impression they had never liked you. Well O'Malley at least, Izzie was too nice not to like you.  
"Good . . .good," George answered sounding confused. He hadn't changed.  
"Well, besides the fact that our roommate and friend has been a basketcase since she got back from New York last month." Scratch that, maybe Izzie didn't like you all that much either. You couldn't blame her.  
You wince. "Is, is she home"  
"I don't think we should answer that," George says to Izzie.  
"Where have you been, Derek? Where the hell have you been?" Izzie demands of you. You expected this and are just thankful Cristina isn't anywhere around.  
"I had some . . .stuff to deal with"  
"That's a little vague," Izzie answers, frowning.  
"I will explain everything to Meredith, and then she can tell you what she wants. I just, I need to talk to her." You plea, hoping that Izzie remembers that she's a hopeless romantic at heart and keeping you out on the door step is slightly less than romantic.  
Her eyes narrow. "Are you going to hurt her again? Because . . "  
You cut her off. "I am never going to hurt her again. I'm here. For good"  
George give you a look, telling you he doesn't trust you. You wish he did, because his distrust shakes your confidence.  
"Fine," Izzie says, "She's upstairs in her room"  
Upstairs. In her room. Meredith is that close to you. Even though chances are she's plotting your death as you speak, it's good knowing she's not that far away plotting it.  
"Izzie, I don't think . . ."George begins to protest.  
But Izzie cuts him off. "George, what would you rather? Meredith keep us all night with screaming orgasms or crying? I pick screaming orgasms"  
Before George can answer, you cut in. "She's been crying every nght?" Shit.  
"Yes, she has," George solemnly nods his head.  
"And you better make it stop, for good. Or else, Derek, I will show you exactly what I learned growing up in a trailer park. You're not my boss anymore"  
Okay, maybe Izzie wasn't too nice not to like you. Because right now she seemed to despise you. More than anything. And yet again, you can't blame her. Chances are Meredith had arrived home with the same smile on her face that she had when she left you in the airport. And you not being here had caused it to fade, again. And Izzie knew that. Of course she didn't like you. Meredith probably hated you.  
But still, here you were, running up her stairs to the room you had known so well.  
And there she was, looking as beautiful as ever. Beautiful and heartbroken. She sat and stared out the window, not seeing you from where she was sitting and for that you were grateful, gave you time to collect your thoughts, time to appreciate the beauty that was Meredith Grey before she attacked you with those tiny ineffectual fists that you loved so much. She looked the exact same she had a month before, but there was a sadness in her eyes. Even worse there was a new level to the sadness, almost like she had finished waiting, that she had gone on and accepted that you weren't coming back. She had prepared herself never to see you again. You wanted to kick yourself for yet again putting that look there, but you had told Izzie the truth.  
This time nothing would tear you away.  
"Meredith?" you say, you're voice sounding awkward and unsure.  
Her head whips around and for a second her eyes sparkle and a smile spreads across her face, for a second there is real and pure happiness.  
The second passes.  
And now she's looking at you the way you probably deserve to be looked at.  
"Derek. You finally made it." The words are happy, but the voice is flat.  
You slowly take a step into her room. "I'm sorry . . "  
You meant to continue that sentence but before you have a chance she is up and walking towards you. "No, Derek, you're not allowed in this room. Not this time"  
Finally proving you really are an idiot, you keep walking.  
"Get out," she's reached you now and is pummeling you with those tiny fists. You expected this. That was the good thing about knowing her so well, you knew what to expect.It gave you time to figure out a counter attack.  
So you grab her shoulders and pull her towards you, ignoring the fists still hitting your stomach, ignoring the angry words sprouting from her mouth. You know she doesn't really mean any of it anyway. She's just being Meredith.  
And you kiss her.  
Hard. Passionate. Without giving her room to escape. At first she stands their frozen and you can feel the anger still eminating from her tiny body. But you keep your lips pressed to hers, silently praying in your head that she responds. She does. Suddenly. Her lips part open, meeting your passion with some of her own. Completely unexpectedly her tongue slips into your mouth, you let out a groan of appreciation, as your hands fall of her shoulders and find her back, slowly pulling her closer to you. Until her body is tight to yours. Her hands find your hair and she runs her fingers through it. No one had ever done it quite like she had and you yearn to pull her closer, even though it has now become impossible to be any closer. And then your mouth leaves hers and you bury your face in her neck, smelling the lavender and telling yourself not to cry.  
You cried the last time you saw her, you couldn't let her see you cry again so soon.  
"Derek," her voice doesn't sound angry anymore, now it's filled with wanting.  
"I'm sorry," your voice sounds the same, shaky and unconfident.  
"Derek," a little more anger this time, but she's stilll tangled up in your arms, and hasn't made any move to pull away.  
"I'm an ass"  
She laughs. "You are an ass." She takes a breath and you move your face from the spot against her neck and look into her eyes. "What took you so damn long"  
You laugh. "My mom. I stopped in New York after I was done in Maine, and my mom. She was a wreck. I couldn't leave her like that. She needed someone"  
She smiles at you, looking a little bitter but taking it better than you expected. "And of course, you had to be that someone. It seems other female obligations keep interrupting our happily ever after Derek"  
You look at her seriously. She still talks like there might be a happily ever after, that's good, right? "Not now, not ever again. You are my only obligation." And that's when you pull out the McDreamy look. You knew it was unfair. You hated even using it, considering the nickname it had earned you. She melted when you looked at her like that. And right now you needed her to melt.  
She smiles and runs hers fingers through you hair."Why didn't you call"  
"I was scared." You simply respond, not knowing how else to word it.  
She laughs at that, you don't know why.  
"But now, now you're not leaving"  
"No, Meredith, I'm not leaving." Your hands leave your back and find hers that are sitting on your shoulders and you tangle your fingers in hers and hold them to your sides. "I'm done being an ass. If I have to leave again, you're coming with me"  
She leans in and buries her face against your chest. "Good." Her voice seems strained and forced, you think she might be crying. But it would be good crying, not the kind she's been doing without you.  
"I love you, Meredith"  
"I love you too, Derek"  
And she pulls her head off your chest and her eyes meet yours. Her eyes are wet, but that sparkle is back. She's your Meredith. You silently lean towards her and meet her lips with your own, silently thanking god. This time the kiss is gentle and soft, you take your time knowing you have the rest of your life. Your lips meets her slowly, feeling the salty after taste of her tears and promising yourself to never have to taste the tears again. This is it for you.  
The kiss grows more urgent as you slip your hands out of hers and lift her shirt above her head, her hands finding the buttons of your shirt and pulling them apart, fumbling with each one. And you find yourself wondering what exactly you did to deserve her.  
But thinking will wait for later, right now you have more important business.  
Screaming orgasms.

Wow, this chapter didn't really turn out how I planned, but I love it all the same. There was heat, nice hot heat. And tears. And anger. Oh I like it. I really think this has made up for the very long wait I put you all through. I mean, it really was good, wasn't it? Lol, seemingly fishing for compliments. And btw please ignore any spelling mistakes and the such . . .I typed it on Notepad as my computer doesn't have word yet. But I'll get it soon enough.

I will update this . . .umm Tuesday or Wednesday. I'll shoot for a Tuesday update but as I will be busy watching the DVD I'm making no promises. But Wednesday at the latest. I have plans with a friend but won't be out late so it's all good. And if all goes well Season 3 will be updated tomorrow night, so wait for that.

The drill . . .read, love, review. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. Because for the last week I've been stressed about what the hell is going to happen in 9 days. If I had anything to do with GA, well I would know what was going to happen in 9 days.**

**Sorry the last chapter was hardish to read but I'm glad people enjoyed it anyway. But now I have Word on my laptop so it's all good. And I'm updating this one tonight because. . . well because I have other fanfics in my head and I want to finish this so I can get going on those. Lol. My Season 3 has been worked on though, and should be updated tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.**

**This chapter takes place a year after the last one . . .time jumps a lot in this fic. It's from Meredith's perspective.**

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"Well good morning sunshine," Cristina says as you slam your locker door. "What eating you? I haven't seen you look this bitter since McDreamy got back."

You give her a look. "McDreamy's an ass."

Alex walks up behind you, and being Alex joins the conversation. "Exactly how many times has that man been called an ass within this locker room?"

"Far too many. If he only knew." Izzie cut in.

Fourth year residents now, and your friends hadn't changed a bit. All they cared about was gossip and butting into conversations.

"What did he do this time?"

"I don't want to talk about," you say and are relieved that your pager goes off 5 seconds later. Because really, you don't want to talk about it. Because Derek isn't being an ass. He hasn't in a year. He's been this amazing, never seen before crazy great boyfriend.

Who wanted to take you to New York at Christmas time to meet his very large family.

So you were allowed to call him an ass if you wanted to.

You approach the room you had been paged to and wonder what's up. You didn't have a patient in that room and saw none of your interns milling around.

And then there he is, leaning back in the bed, looking like he doesn't have a care in the word.

Definite ass.

"Dr. Shepherd," you say in your most professional sounding tone, trying your best to remember that you are talking to your boss, not just your ass of a boyfriend.

"Hmm, it turns me on so much when you call me doctor." There goes treating him like a boss.

"Well, Derek," you say, emphasizing his name, "I'm not quite in the mood to turn you on right now, so if that's all you wanted . . ."

You don't get to finish your sentence. You try to remember the last time in the past year in which you had finished a sentence. Derek was far too pushy. Too bad you liked pushy.

"You left the house in a huff this morning," Derek says, moving over in the bed to make room for you beside him.

As if you'd sit beside him after this morning.

"Might have something to do with that message from your mom."

"Meredith . . ."

Now it's your turn to cut him off mid-sentence. "But really, I think it might have been those plane tickets. The ones you bought without even consulting."

"Meredith . . ."

"You say my name and I yell, remember? It's our thing." He chuckles at this, and you find yourself wondering how inappropriate it would be to slap your boss at work. Probably as inappropriate as having sex in the on call room with your boss the other day. However, right now he deserves the slap just as much as you deserved the sex a couple of days ago.

He shrugs as you go and sit beside him. Damn, you didn't mean to sit beside him. But the spot was there, and you knew damn well that spot belonged to you. How the hell were you supposed to just stand there.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise get away."

"Derek, a trip to the Bahamas in a surprise get away, skiing in Canada, shopping in Paris. Sleeping in a tent somewhere in Iraq. Your family's house for Christmas isn't a nice surprise get away."

Derek nods slowly. "You sound like Yang."

You pout at this. "I do not sound like Cristina."

Derek laughs a little, until you not-so-gently hit his arm. "Sorry." He pauses and looks you, reaches over and pushes a tendril of hair out of your face. Why did he have to be so god damn McDreamy when you were attempting to be mad at him? "Why don't you want to meet my family?"

And now he has that look on his face, that lost sad puppy look that makes you want to pull him into your arms and hold him, keep him away from everything and everyone. The look that screams "I need a hug, and then a good fuck." And his voice has dropped to the matching tone.

Damn him.

"I do want to meet your family. On my turf. And not all at once."

"But it's Christmas, Mer."

"Which makes it all that much worse, Derek. You know I don't do Christmas and the family thing.'

"I know." He says solemnly looking at you.

"Than why?"

"Because Meredith, you're with me now. And one day you will be my wife. And even though you may not to the Christmas and family thing, I do. And I want you to be a part of it."

Seriously? Seriously? Just as you're preparing yourself to yell and scream and lash out at your more than annoying boyfriend he goes and says something like one day you'll be my wife.

You don't even know how to respond to that.

So you remain quiet, and he looks at you in that Derek way he has.

"I've never done the family thing before. My dad, well you know. And my mom always seemed to be operating on Christmas. The only time I've had a real Christmas has been with George and Izzie."

"I know."

"They won't even like me."

"Of course they will." You look at him as he says this. He looks confident and self assured. Derek must have taken courses on how to say the right thing at the right time, because he always managed it perfectly.

"Derek, they loved Addison. And she's all tall and perfect and wonderful. And I'm me. Just me."

"The woman I'm in love with. Who's not quite as tall but much more perfect and wonderful." And he tilts his head. Damn that head tilt. It's not right that a man, any man, could look so beautiful tilting his head.

"I don't know, Der."

"Yes you do. Come on . . .it will be fun. And if it really goes as horribly as you have dreamed up, than I promise we can leave. We'll get a hotel and have a romantic two weeks in New York instead. No family."

"You swear?"

"I swear."

And you look at him and suddenly feel a hell of a lot better. Because you know he's telling the truth. That everything will be fine, and if it's not, he'd get you out of there. Because that's what Derek does. He's the first person you have ever known that has even been truly completely a hundred percent on your side. There was no question in your mind of that. He loved you. He completed you. And you knew that Christmas would be fine, because Derek would be there. And life was more than fine when he was beside you.

Okay, now you're getting sappy and you hate that even in your own head.

"I'm sorry I freaked out."

"I kind of expected it," he says with a laugh. He would laugh. "I love you."

"I love you too."

And then he's kissing you, really out right kissing you, making up for all the lost kissing time you had missed out on earlier that morning. And you're kissing him back, the anger gone because after all he is your McDreamy. How the hell can you stay mad at a man that dropped the word wife into conversations and could kiss like that?

Not to mention how yummy he looked.

And tasted.

"We're in a hospital bed, Der." You say as you gently pull away.

"So we are," and he goes back to kissing you.

"We can't have sex in a hospital bed." You point out trying to be rational.

"Want to make a bet?" And then he kisses you in that spot, right where your neck meets your collar bone.

Screw rational thought.

**Wow, this is the second chapter in a row that ended in a sex scene, lol. Look what that extended exam room scene did to my brain! Now I can't write Mer/Der without them having sex, it's what they do. Constantly. **

**And yes, this chapter seems a little random to me too. Lol. But my last chapter was my climax, now it's winding down as there are only two chapters left. I know how I'm ending it and wanted a cute little couple fight in there to round it out. So random it is. I like random. It will all work in the end.**

**And before you get excited, you're not actually going to see Christmas in New York. It went well. They all love her. End of that. You will find out more next chapter.**

**So . . .read, love, review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: You know I usually have funny ones? Well I am far too busy watching my Season 2 DVD to think of one today. I mean . . .did you know when McDreamy was shooting a scene on a ferry boat they actually closed down all ferry boat traffic in Seattle, just because McDreamy was there. So yeah, I don't own GA, or else some of those more than perfect Mer/Der scenes wouldn't have been cut. And all the Addie scenes would have. Oh look, that was kind of funny.**

**So I'm updating this one again tonight, mainly because I have tons of time to work on Season 3 tomorrow at school, namely a 4 hour break in between classes. So tons of updating. So yeah, this one tonight, besides as I said, I want to finish it so I can get going on others lol.**

**But really glad people are enjoying this one. Btw someone actually said I write Meredith better than I write Derek, that's the first time I've been told that, you made me smile! I usually feel like I'm much better with Derek but this fanfic is working well with Mer, so thanks for the great compliment.**

**So this one is from Derek's perspective, a yearish after the last one. As I said time has been jumping. Second last chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

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You can hear sound coming from downstairs but you sit on yours and Meredith's bed and don't bother moving. Everyone will be over for New Year's tonight and you know you should be helping set up downstairs but you have other things on your mind right now. Things that make setting up for a party seem a little small scale. Tonight wasn't just another New Years. Not for you.

Your cell phone rings.

Natalie.

"Yes?" you say answering the phone, wondering what the hell your little sister could possibly want.

"Have you asked her yet?" She sounds far too excited. You had expected your family to like Meredith, but you were pretty certain that Nat liked Meredith more than she liked you.

"No, I'm waiting."

"For what, Der-bear?" she teases you, using the nickname your mother have given you when you were little.

"Well right now she's busy with the rest of the gang getting ready for the party tonight. I can't, not now."

"When?" She sounds more impatient than you feel.

"Later." You say with a sigh, wishing later was now.

"Good."

"I promise I'll have her call you as soon as she says yes." You say with a laugh.

"You are far too confident in yourself, big brother."

"Have you ever seen that woman say no to me?"

"No, but she has to wake up eventually. Bye Derek." Nat laughingly says to you.

"Bye Natalie." You laugh as you hang up the phone.

The laughter dies in your throat as you look down at the box resting in your other hand. Today was it. The day you had been planning since that first night at Joe's years ago, even if you had just accepted that recently. Proposing at New Year's, far too cheesier than you ever had expected to be. You remembered your proposal nearly 20 years ago to Addison. It had been spur of the moment, you hadn't even had a ring, you had been on a high after a successful surgery and asked. And now here you were, planning on getting on one knee, at the stroke of a New Year.

You smiled.

What the hell had she done to you?

Not that you really cared. You do the one knee thing for her, because this time nothing could go wrong. So one knee you could do. On the cheesiest possible night to propose ever. But she would love it. In an eye rolling sort of way love it. It was perfect.

Someone is coming up the stairs.

"Derek?" Ah, Meredith. Shit.

You hear her coming towards the door so you quickly move to put the box back to it's hiding spot in the bed side table on your side of the bed. Not that you actually lived her or anything, but you were always here. You thought of it all as yours.

Because Meredith was yours.

She walks in as you close the drawer and you whip around and send her your best McDreamy smile.

"What are you up to?" She asks you, giving you look that tells you she's definitely suspicious.

You walk towards her. "Nothing. Let's go downstairs."

"Something is up."

"Nothing is up." You smile at her again and quickly give her a kiss, heading towards the door and away from any awkward conversation, that could definitely destroy your perfect surprise for later tonight.

"I heard you talking to someone earlier." Okay, you love her but sometimes she's so damn nosey.

"Natalie."

"Why did Natalie call?" Meredith with her questions.

You shrug not wanting to lie but not being able to tell you the truth. "Just because. It's New Year's after all. I told her you were busy and would give her a call later."

You try to walk past her again but she grabs your arm, which causes you to smile suggestively towards the bed, hoping to take her mind elsewhere. She rolls her eyes. "No Derek, what is going on? I know when something is going on. And this, this is something going on."

"Nothing is going on."

"Something is, you have that twinkle in your eye. That twinkle you get when something is most definitely going on." She looks at you pleadingly and you wish you could say something but at the same time don't want to. But she looks so cute when she's curious.

"You're paranoid." You accuse her.

She rolls her eyes again and makes a tiny grunt. "It's not paranoid when they really are after you."

"Mer, relax. Nothing is going on. Let's go downstairs and get ready for this little party. That we most definitely have to steal away from at some point." You tease, grabbing her ass and pulling her towards you.

"Meredith!" George yells up the stairs. "Do not tell me you're in the sack again! You promised to bring Derek down so he could help me lift this!"

She tilts her head and smiles at you, you tilt yours and smile back, before heading downstairs to go find George, who as it turns out is moving the surprisingly heavy couch.

He looks around as you go to meet him to make sure Meredith hasn't followed you.

"So . . ." he prompts.

"Tonight, after midnight. Going to sneak her outside, do the whole one knee thing."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow." You had had the ring designed a year ago when you had spent Christmas in New York, after seeing her with your family you had decided that you really could never let her go. And then you waited and waited, till it felt right, till the perfect moment, because Meredith had had enough less than perfect and you wanted nothing less than perfect for her. So now here you were, a year later, finally doing it. Wow.

"Good luck, Shep." George smiles at you.

"You think I need it?"

He gives you what you can only describe as a purely George look. And laughs. "I don't think you have anything to worry about."

**Okay . . .I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. So if you think it's complete crap just let me know and I'm willing to rewrite. Because it did jump around a lot. Mainly because I had a lot to get across . . .the fact the family loved her, the fact she knows something is up and his general plans for the evening. So it's jumpy. And I wrote it while crying through IYLAT in a 6 hour GA marathon. So it may be crap . . .don't be afraid to say it.**

**Tomorrow night I'm probably going to update with the last chapter, after I get home from the movies. It won't be the proposal but don't worry, you will all love it. Okay, you can all probably guess what it well be (hell one of my reviewers already did). Also Season 3 will hopefully be updated tomorrow … if all goes well. And I don't spent too much time distracted by GA, lol.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All day my mind has been screaming "One week. One week. One week." so no original and funny disclaimer from me. Sorry. Hell if this chapter hadn't already been planned it probably wouldn't be being written. But yeah don't own Grey's. Also don't own e e cummings though I used his poem. Also don't own the Bible . . .well I own a Bible, but not "the" Bible.**

**So, this is being updated, and people are still waiting on Season 3 but see, things keep coming up. Crazy things. Like yesterday, I was going to spend all my time at school working on it …but then this guy emailed me. This guy that writes for the Wall Street Journal. Yeah, the Wall Street Journal. Maybe you've heard of it. Well they are doing a story on fan fiction and he stumbled upon me. Little old me, from small crappy city in Ontario. And he wants to include me in the story. Me. So he and I emailed back and forth all day, doing the interview over the internet. Seemingly I'm far more famous than I ever expected. It's supposed to be in this Saturday's paper, and although it may get moved (he warned me it might) and for all I know he may decide not to include me, feel free to go check it out. Because, well . . . me. . .in the freaking Wall Street Journal.**

**Other things that come up? Yeah, Season 2 DVD is damn distracting.**

**But here it is . . . the final chapter of this story, though it may not be the final but we'll talk more about that later. It was supposed to be posted last night but it got far too lengthy to finish in a night so here it is now.**

**This one is going to flip back and forth perspective wise. And may end up being lengthy. And it's the (drum roll please) WEDDING!**

**Enjoy.**

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Meredith

Derek's mom fiddles with your veil. Izzie is trying to wipe a smudge of something off your cheek. Natalie is trying to fix the bottom of your skirt. And Cristina stands there, looking annoyed.

"People, get off her. Give her some breathing room." Cristina says, actually pulling Izzie away from you. You give Cristina a look of complete appreciation. This is why she's your maid of honour, even if she did moan and groan about the dress and the sentimental side.

"But she has to look perfect," Izzie says, in a way that would make you swear it might be here wedding instead of yours.

"Hell, she's marrying Derek. She could walk out in a paper bag and he'd still think she was gorgeous. That man is a complete sap." Cristina says rolling her eyes.

"But they'll have to look at the pictures. Forever. Their kids, their grandkids. They have to live with these pictures forever." Izzie attempts to insist.

"She has to live with Derek forever; I think they can deal with some less than perfect pictures." Natalie cuts in.

"Don't be silly, darling. Meredith looks perfect."

They're doing that thing again. That thing that people seem to like doing with you. That talking about you like you weren't actually there, like you weren't an actual person standing with them. It used to be because you were so miserable they didn't know how to talk to you about being miserable. Now it must be you were too happy to be talked to about being happy. Today it didn't annoy you as much.

Today nothing annoyed you as much.

"I'm marrying Derek," you whisper to your own image in the mirror, not expecting the others, who were now full out arguing to hear you.

But they do.

Mrs. Shepherd comes and stands beside you and gives you a quick squeeze around the shoulders. "Yes, you are. Today you join our family."

Before you get a chance to respond Dr. Richard Webber enters the trailer, making the cramped area feel more crowded. "Ready to go?" he asks you, holding his arm out in your direction.

With unexpected butterflies in your stomach you walk towards him.

Derek

You're not a man that usually feels many nerves. For a living you cut open people skulls and play with their brains, so it takes a lot to make you nervous. Even more for you to actually admit to it. But today, today you were nervous. Butterflies in your stomach like you had never experienced before. You watch as Cristina takes her place at the front of the church and clear your throat, hoping to scare some of those butterflies out. You feel a hand rest on your shoulder and turn around to see your best man, Mark, giving you an encouraging smile. You go to say something to him.

But then the music changes. A guitar playing Can't Help Falling in Love with You fills the area of your land that you stand on.

And then you look up to find Meredith turning the corner around the trees that had been keeping her hidden.

And you forget to be nervous.

Hell you forget to breath.

You'd say she looks beautiful, but somehow that word doesn't seem strong enough to describe how she looks. She's glowing, absolutely glowing. The dress she chose was flowing and white, not anything overly big, but simple. And charming. Her hair falls softly around her face and a small veil rests on her head. It's exactly how you had expected her to look. But not.

Because not even you could imagine her looking this good.

Suddenly you feel tears in your eyes and attempt to blink them back. You hadn't expected to cry but not this early.

Her eyes are only on you as she walks towards you and Richard places her arm in yours and you feel your heart skip a beat.

Finally.

You have finally found exactly where you are meant to be.

You're hers.

"Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here today . . ." the priest starts, however you are far too busy staring into your beautiful bride's tear filled eyes to pay too much attention.

Meredith

In all the rush of planning your own wedding, you had forgotten the fact that you hated them in general.

There you stood in front of everyone, Derek's hand gently holding yours, listening to the priest drone on and on, and all you really wanted to do was get to the end of this. So Derek could kiss you and you could be his wife. Because you didn't care so much about this ceremony, you just wanted to be his wife.

And all that night of the wedding stuff would be fun.

But then Cristina got up to do the reading you had allowed her to choose.

Of all the people you had possibly thought could make you cry, you would have never put money on Cristina.

But there she was standing, looking way too soft and gooey to be the Cristina you knew and loved. And you felt like crying.

"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, wherever I go, you go my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true. And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you. Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than a soul can hope or mind can hide, and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. . . I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart."

Did Derek just sob? Okay well not sob, but make that choked up crying noise that sounded far too sexy when he did it. Was Derek really crying?

You watch as Cristina takes her place yet again beside you and see her eyes look watery as well. Cristina Yang was crying.

This was odd.

And than you feel a tear track it's way down your cheek and realize that you're crying as well.

Because you are finally marrying the man that has carried your heart since the first time you met him at Emerald City bar.

Derek

Cristina Yang had made you cry. Not tear up like most men do on their wedding day, actually cry.

Because she had read that poem.

That poem you had printed up and framed soon after you had gotten back to Seattle. The poem that hung above both the bed at Meredith's and the bed in the trailer. The poem that would be the first thing put into your new home after the honeymoon.

That poem had meant so much to both of you.

You just hadn't expected Cristina to know that.

Mark slaps you on the back as he makes his way to the front, to do his reading and you wonder exactly how he was planning to top that.

"Thank Cristina, for stealing all the thunder, but here it goes." He clears his throat. "Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense and it is not resentful. Love take's no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end."

Okay, he didn't top it, but he came damn close, you think as you blink back tears.

And you feel Meredith's hand tremble in yours which draws your attention back in her directions. Her eyes are swimming with tears and yet she is smiling in a way you had never really experienced seeing before. She is smiling in a way that makes her all that more beautiful, and if you weren't already head over heels in that moment you would have been.

And then you realize exactly what that smile is.

She's happy. Really, truly, completely happy.

All the problems she had to fight through didn't matter anymore, not in this moment, not to her. Because she was standing wearing white in front of a priest, her hand clasped in hers, about to recite her wedding vows.

She was happy because love did always endure, love never ended.

Meredith

You take a deep breath, hoping to steady yourself, realizing it will be a miracle if you can get through this without bursting into tears. You had spent months perfecting these vows and now you were trying to find the strength to actually say them.

"Derek," you start, on a voice that sounds far to wobbly and you try again. "Derek," Okay, that sounded better. "When people say true love follows' a bumpy path, I think they're talking about us. That night, years ago, when I met you at Joe's, I thought I was never going to see you again. I would never have predicted standing here today, nor the path that got us here. Seriously, all I remember about that night was the way your touch sent chills down my spine."

Derek laughs gently and tilts his head and sends you a pretty damn perfect McDreamy look. You just respond with a stern look of your own. That damn look of his is not going to help the whole not crying situation.

"Years later and your touch still gives me the same chill. Derek, you're it for me. Always have been. So today I promise to stand by you forever. Because at the end of a long and hard day, there is no where else I'd rather be."

Derek is tearing up now, and you feel tears prick your own eyes. Damn Derek.

"I promise to laugh with you and cry with you. To fall asleep beside you every night, and to wake up beside you every morning. To support you and encourage you. To be there when you save a life, and to be there when you can't save one. I promise to always be a part of you and the best of me. And half of us. Today I promise to be your partner forever."

Derek lets go of one of your hands and reaches up and wipes a tear off your cheek, his hand sending those chills racing down your back and it's all you can but fall into his arms.

"Derek, I promise to grow old with you, to be with you for every day until we can't be together. And even than, I promise to find you again. Derek today I promise you forever. "

You're surprised at how clear your voice is.

"And if you ever feel the need to run away again, I promise I'm running with you."

Derek

You stand their trying to pull your voice together as you silently curse yourself for letting Meredith say her vows first, because you couldn't think you could speak after she had stood there and promised you forever.

Damn Meredith.

"Meredith, my whole life I've been searching for something, and before you I had thought I had found everything, and yet I still felt like I was searching. And then you sat down beside me at Joe's. Or I sat beside you. Someone sat beside someone. At that moment, I stopped. I just knew, I completely stopped."

Her hands tremble in yours so you squeeze them just a bit tighter.

"So today, I swear my soul to you. You are the only place my soul belongs. I have been yours entirely since the first hello, and today I make it official. I promise to be yours for eternity. Meredith you are my fate, you are my everything. And I promise to stand beside you through thick and thin, to always be there for you. I promise you keep that smile on your face and to fill your life with happiness. I promise to kiss you good morning and kiss you good night every day. I promise to always make time for you. I promise to never leave you, never abandon you. I promise to always be on your side."

Meredith lets go of one of your hands and reaches up and wipes a tear off you cheek, her hand sending chills down your back, having the same affect on you as you seemingly had on her.

"Meredith, I promise to grow old with you, to be with you for every day until we can't be together. And even than, I promise to find you again. Meredith, today I promise you forever."

Okay, so you had stolen that bit from her vows but it just sounded and felt so right. And it was better than what you had thought of.

"And I promise to love you a little more each night we climb into bed together than I did that morning when we woke up."

Meredith

The priest is talking now but you really aren't listening. Because he's staring at you, right into you actually. And his eyes are filled with tears and a smile is stretched across his face. All you want is to lean forward and kiss him but you know you have to wait.

Because now he's holding a ring out towards you and it's his turn to speak

"Meredith, I give you this ring as a sign of my love and my faithfulness to you."

And now you hold a ring towards him and repeat the same words.

"Derek, I give you this ring as a sign of my love and my faithfulness to you."

You bite your lip, hoping to hold tears back because you hadn't planned on crying through your wedding. Only sappy people cried through weddings. People like Izzie cried during weddings. You were not supposed to be crying.

Derek is talking again.

"Meredith, wear this ring as a sign of my love and the giving that will last the rest of my life."

"Derek, wear this ring as a sign of my love and the giving that will last the rest of my life."

"Receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my love of you."

"Receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my love of you."

"I give you this ring, as I give you myself, with love and affection. Wear it in peace always. I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you."

"I give you this ring, as I give you myself, with love and affection. Wear it in peace always. I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you."

And then he's holding the ring up to your finger and placing it gently around the top. "With this ring, I marry you, pledging my loyalty, love and life." And now he's slipping the ring down your finger to meet the engagement ring already sitting there. "With this ring . . . with this ring I thee wed: with my, my body I thee worship and with all my worldly good I thee endow."

Oh, shit, Derek could barely make it through his speech, how exactly were you supposed to get through yours. But really, you have no choice, other than not marrying him, and that's never been an option.

So you hold the ring up to his finger and begin your words, whispering them through your tears, willing yourself not to choke. "With this ring I marry you, ple . . .pledging my loy . . .loyalty, l-love and life." Okay, you're going to lose it.

And then he squeezes your hand, the one that's not holding the ring, the one that is still placed in his. And he quietly whispers a nearly silent shh, and somehow you manage to calm down. "W-with this ring I thee wed: w-with my b-body I thee worship and with all my worldly goods I-I thee endow."

And then it was over. The priest was bidding you good luck and announcing you husband and wife. You were married to Derek.

"Derek, you can now – finally – kiss the bride."

Derek

And then you were kissing her.

And beyond thankful that you had decided not to get married in a church because the way you were kissing her was far too inappropriate to take place in a church.

But you don't care.

Because Meredith is your wife.

And today the salty flavour of tears is mixed in with the usual sweetness of your Meredith. And it makes her irresistible and all you want to do is stand there and kiss her.

Screw the fact tears are running down your own face.

Screw the fact that you can hear the men making cat calls, the woman laughing and your mother clearing her throat.

Because Meredith is your wife.

And that's all that matters.

But eventually you pull away. Because not pulling away, well it would lead to bad things. Fun but bad things. Things that involve you ripping that dress right off of her, and taking her down to the ground and making her scream. In front of everyone and regardless of what anyone would think. Because today she tastes and feels like heaven.

Because Meredith is your wife.

"Ladies and gentleman, I'm pleased to finally announce Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Derek Shepherd."

And then you are walking down the aisle with her, your hands clasped tightly together and all your friends blow bubbles in your direction, cheering for the fact that you and Meredith had finally made it. You were finally married to the only person you had ever really wanted to be with.

You start running, pulling her behind you, hoping to steal a moment alone before the pictures and the congratulations starts. Right now all you wanted to do was be alone with her. So you round the trees that she had come out from behind earlier. And pull her towards you.

"I love you," you whisper, kissing her softly. "I love you," you repeat again, kissing her a tiny bit harder. "Oh god, I love you." You kiss her again.

"I love you too," she whispers back, laughing a little at your happiness. "I love you too."

And you kiss her again.

Because Meredith is your wife.

**See, I told you it was a long chapter. But I make no apologies because it was Derek and Meredith's wedding. It can be long, it should be long.**

**As I said, this probably won't be the last chapter, I'm keeping it going for you guys. But there will be a hiatus. Because I have some serious work to get done on Season 3. Plus the two other stories I have in my head. I don't know if I will finish them before coming back to this one, it will depend on how they go. But I will come back to this eventually. Promise. So be patient, it's not done.**

**You know the drill . . . read, love, review.**


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